2.4. Listen to children or young people and communicate in a way that encourages them to feel valued

This guide will help you answer 2.4. Listen to children or young people and communicate in a way that encourages them to feel valued.

Listening and communicating effectively with children and young people is an essential part of building trusting and respectful relationships. When we truly listen, we show them their thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter. This helps them feel valued, heard, and included in decisions that may affect them.

Listening to children or young people is not just about hearing the words they say but understanding the meaning and emotions behind their words. It involves creating a safe environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves freely.

Why is Listening Important?

Children and young people often need support to express themselves. It is important to take their views seriously, regardless of their age. This encourages their self-confidence and emotional wellbeing and helps them understand they have a voice that is important.

Actively listening to them strengthens relationships. It lets them know they are respected and allows them to develop positive communication skills as they grow.

Active Listening

Active listening means giving your full attention to a child or young person while they are speaking. This is different to simply hearing what they say. Active listening shows interest and encourages more open communication.

Ways to practise active listening include:

Maintaining eye contact at a comfortable level.
Using body language, such as nodding, to show you are engaged.
Avoiding interruptions or finishing their sentences.
Repeating or summarising their words to check your understanding.
Asking open-ended questions that encourage them to share more.

For example, instead of asking “Are you okay?”, ask “How are you feeling about what happened yesterday?”. This invites them to explain fully, rather than giving a simple yes or no answer.

Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbal communication is just as important as verbal communication. Children and young people often rely on non-verbal cues to judge whether someone is truly paying attention.

Examples of non-verbal communication include:

Facial expressions – Smiling or showing concern when appropriate.
Gestures – Leaning slightly forward can show interest.
Body posture – Sitting at their level rather than standing over them can make them feel less intimidated.
Tone of voice – Keeping your tone calm and friendly reassures them that you care.

Be mindful that children may also communicate through their behaviour rather than words, especially younger children or those unable to express themselves verbally. For example, a child withdrawing or acting out could signal they are upset. Paying attention to these cues helps you understand them better.

Creating a Safe Environment for Communication

To encourage children and young people to open up, they need to feel they are in a safe space. This environment can be physical (comfortable seating, toys or activities) or emotional (a kind, non-judgemental attitude).

Tips for creating a safe environment include:

Offering privacy – Speak with them in a quiet space where others cannot overhear the conversation.
Using age-appropriate language – Avoid using overly complex terms. Speak in a way they can understand.
Showing empathy – Acknowledge their feelings, even if you do not agree. For example, say, “I can see that this has made you upset”.
Avoiding judgement – Do not dismiss or criticise what they share. Instead, focus on listening and understanding their perspective.
Providing reassurance – Let them know it is okay to speak honestly and that you are there to support them.

Encouraging Participation in Conversations

It is important to encourage children and young people to feel confident in conversations. This helps them develop communication skills and builds their self-esteem.

Ways to encourage participation include:

Giving them time to think and respond without rushing them.
Praising their efforts to express themselves, even if they struggle to find the right words.
Asking for their opinions or ideas – For example, “What do you think we should do about this?”
Showing genuine interest in their interests and hobbies.
Avoiding over-correcting their language or grammar, which could make them feel self-conscious.

Adapting to Different Needs

Each child or young person is unique and may have different communication needs. This could be due to their age, development stage, cultural background, or additional needs.

To adapt to different needs:

Use visual aids or tools, like pictures or symbols, for children who communicate non-verbally.
Take cultural differences into account, such as whether direct eye contact is considered respectful.
Be patient with children or young people who need extra time to process information or respond.
Offer alternative communication methods, like writing or drawing, if they find it hard to speak.

Building Trust

Children and young people are more likely to open up if they trust you. Trust takes time and consistency to build.

To build trust:

Follow through with promises or agreements. For example, if you say you will speak with their teacher about a problem, make sure you do so.
Keep their confidence unless there is a safeguarding concern that needs reporting.
Be honest with them, even about situations that might be difficult. They will appreciate your transparency.
Stay calm and composed during conversations, even if they tell you something upsetting or shocking.

Building trust makes children or young people feel secure and valued, which strengthens the relationship in the long term.

Overcoming Barriers to Communication

You may face barriers when trying to listen and communicate with children or young people. These barriers could include things like shyness, fear of being judged, or previous negative experiences with adults.

To overcome barriers:

Spend time building a good rapport before diving into deeper conversations.
Reassure them that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone.
Avoid pressuring them to talk if they are not ready. Let them approach the topic when they feel comfortable.
Be aware of physical barriers, such as noisy or chaotic environments, and choose quieter spaces for discussions.

Importance of Body Language and Tone

How you present yourself physically and verbally can influence whether a child or young person feels valued. They notice more than just your words, so it is important to make sure your body language and tone are consistent with your spoken message.

Examples of positive body language and tone include:

Relaxed posture – This makes you appear approachable.
Warm, calm tone – This helps the child or young person feel at ease.
Maintaining a neutral expression during serious conversations – This avoids making them feel judged.

Encouraging Future Communication

Your actions during one conversation can impact whether a child or young person feels comfortable coming to you in the future. Positive experiences make them more likely to seek support or share their concerns again.

To encourage future communication:

Thank them for sharing their thoughts or feelings with you, even if the topic was difficult.
Let them know they can talk to you again whenever they need to.
Remind them you are there to help, not to punish or criticise.

Role-Modelling Good Communication Skills

Children and young people learn by observing the adults around them. By practising good listening and communication skills, you provide a positive example for them to follow. This can improve their ability to communicate effectively in their own relationships.

For example:

Show patience and respect when speaking with others, so they see how to handle conversations.
Demonstrate how to resolve conflicts calmly and respectfully.
Use kind and polite language when addressing others, even in challenging situations.

Monitoring and Reflecting on Your Communication

It can be helpful to reflect on your communication efforts and think about whether you could do things differently to support the child or young person better.

Ask yourself:

Did I give them enough time to speak and express themselves?
Did my responses encourage further conversation?
Did my body language and tone match the message I wanted to convey?
Is there anything I could do next time to improve our communication?

Final Thoughts

Building a strong foundation of communication will take time and practice. By listening actively and showing empathy, you create a positive relationship where children and young people feel valued, respected, and supported.

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