This guide will help you answer 5.3 Explain circumstances where children and young people are not able to maintain relationships with wider family members and informal networks.
Building and keeping relationships with wider family members and informal networks is an important part of a child’s life. These connections help children develop social skills, emotional resilience and a sense of identity. However, there are many situations where these relationships break down or cannot be maintained. As a worker in the children and young people’s workforce, it is important to understand these situations clearly so that you can support the child’s wellbeing and provide appropriate interventions.
Parental Separation and Divorce
When parents separate or divorce, children can lose contact with extended family members on one side. This might happen because:
- There is conflict between the parents and wider family members
- One parent moves to another location far from the family
- The parent with custody restricts contact with certain relatives
Children may miss out on time with grandparents, cousins or family friends. This loss can affect their support network and emotional security. Some younger children might not understand why they are no longer seeing certain family members, leading to feelings of confusion or abandonment.
Parental Conflict and Estrangement
Sometimes parents become estranged from their wider family due to long-standing disagreements. If the parent is not on speaking terms with relatives, the child may have no opportunity to build or maintain those relationships. In cases where there is hostility, the parent might believe contact is unsafe or damaging. Workers need to be aware that such situations can cut the child off from important cultural and emotional support.
Care System and Foster Placement Changes
Children in the care system often have difficulty maintaining regular contact with their wider family and informal networks. This is especially true if their placements change frequently. Common reasons include:
- Moving between different foster homes in different towns or counties
- Placement with carers who have restrictions on contact for safeguarding reasons
- Contact being supervised or limited under a court order
This can stop the child from having consistent emotional connections with familiar adults and peers.
Court Orders and Legal Restrictions
Some situations are controlled by court orders, which can limit or completely block contact with certain family members. These restrictions often aim to protect the child from harm. Examples include:
- Where there has been domestic violence
- Where a relative has been involved in criminal activity
- Where there are concerns about neglect or abuse
In these cases, maintaining relationships can be impossible for legal and safeguarding reasons.
Safeguarding Concerns
Children may not be able to keep contact with some family members if there are safeguarding risks. Safeguarding is the process of protecting children from harm. Risks can include:
- Alcohol or substance misuse in the family
- Physical or emotional abuse
- Exposure to unsafe environments
Professionals might recommend that contact is stopped to protect the child’s welfare. This can be distressing for the child but may be necessary for safety.
Relocation and Geographical Distance
Relocation can happen for many reasons such as parental work changes, moving to a safer area or moving after separation. If the move is to another city or country, contact with extended family can become very rare. Practical barriers like travel costs, lack of transport, and school term times can prevent regular visits. Some children keep in touch through phone calls or video messages, but face-to-face time reduces greatly.
Overseas Employment or Military Service
When parents or extended family members are posted abroad for work or military service, children might not see them for long periods. Building relationships can be difficult when there are months or years between visits. Time zones and lifestyle differences can also make communication harder.
Changes in Informal Networks
Informal networks include family friends, neighbours and community members who play a role in a child’s life. Changes can occur when:
- Families move house
- Friendships between adults end
- Community groups close down
If these networks are disrupted, children can lose trusted adults who have offered guidance, support and consistency.
Breakdown in Trust
Trust is key to any relationship. Where it is broken by harmful actions, contact may stop altogether. Examples include:
- Breaching confidentiality
- Disrespecting boundaries
- Manipulative behaviour
Parents might decide to prevent certain individuals from interacting with the child if they believe trust cannot be rebuilt.
Cultural or Religious Conflicts
Sometimes differences in cultural or religious beliefs lead to disputes within families. If these disputes become severe, contact between the child and certain relatives may stop. For example:
- Disagreement over upbringing methods
- Conflict about participation in religious activities
- Disapproval of lifestyle choices
This can make it hard for the child to connect with their heritage or traditions.
Illness and Disability
Illness or disability in either the child or the relative can stop contact. For example:
- The child has a health condition that limits travel
- A grandparent has mobility restrictions or severe illness
- Chronic mental health problems affect the adult’s ability to maintain relationships
Such circumstances require creative solutions, like remote contact, but they often reduce face-to-face interactions.
Poverty and Financial Barriers
Financial hardship can prevent regular contact. Travel, phone bills, internet access and time off work all cost money. Families may struggle to cover these costs, especially if they are living in poverty. Without resources, keeping relationships active is difficult.
Domestic Abuse and Coercive Control
In households affected by domestic abuse or coercive control, a controlling partner might restrict contact with relatives. This can isolate both the parent and the child from wider support. Once the abuse is recognised, safeguarding measures may limit contact with dangerous relatives.
Substance Misuse in the Family
Where relatives misuse drugs or alcohol, contact might be unsafe. The risk of neglect or exposure to harmful behaviour can lead professionals or parents to stop the relationship. This loss can affect the child’s sense of belonging to their extended family.
Disruption Through Bullying or Peer Conflict
Informal networks often include peers in local clubs, schools and social groups. Bullying or conflict can make contact more harmful than helpful. A parent may remove a child from a group to protect them, even if that means losing contact with certain people.
Bereavement
The death of a key relative or network member can cut the child off from that relationship permanently. If the deceased person played a core role in the child’s informal network, their loss can leave a gap in support and affection. Bereavement might also affect the child’s connection to other relatives if they had close ties through the deceased.
Immigration Status
Immigration status can affect contact where family members live abroad or cannot travel freely. Legal restrictions, visa problems or deportation can end opportunities for visits. This leaves the child unable to maintain direct relationships.
School Changes
Changing school affects relationships in peer networks. Children might lose friendships and support from school staff or volunteers they felt close to. If moving to a new school is outside the local area, the loss of previous contact can be permanent.
Family Breakdown Linked to Mental Health Issues
Mental health problems in parents or relatives can damage relationships with wider family and informal networks. This might lead to unpredictable behaviour, withdrawal from contact or inability to engage meaningfully with the child.
Negative Influence or Risky Behaviour
Sometimes a relative or informal network member engages in behaviour that parents or carers see as harmful. This might include criminal activity, promoting harmful values or encouraging risky behaviour in the child. Removing contact protects the child but ends the relationship.
Lack of Communication Skills
Poor communication skills in relatives or network members can make it difficult to build lasting relationships. Misunderstandings and arguments can occur frequently. Over time, these issues may lead to reduced or stopped contact.
Impact on the Child
The inability to maintain relationships can affect the child emotionally, socially and mentally. Impacts may include:
- Loss of cultural identity
- Reduced emotional support
- Feelings of isolation
- Lower self-esteem
- Difficulty forming future relationships
Workers must be aware of these effects to provide appropriate interventions. This can include helping the child access alternative networks or providing counselling support.
Role of the Worker
In situations where relationships cannot be maintained, the worker should:
- Support the child emotionally
- Provide clear information about reasons for broken contact
- Help the child build new safe connections
- Encourage positive communication where possible
- Liaise with safeguarding professionals
- Record any contact restrictions accurately in line with policies
Supporting Alternative Networks
When relationships with wider family members and informal networks end, workers can help strengthen other areas of the child’s life. This might include:
- Linking the child to youth clubs or community groups
- Supporting positive relationships with foster carers or key workers
- Encouraging school participation
- Providing mentoring opportunities
The aim is to replace lost support with safe, consistent relationships.
Final Thoughts
Children and young people may face many situations where they cannot maintain contact with wider family members or informal networks. The reasons range from safeguarding restrictions and court orders to geographical moves and financial barriers. Each situation has its own level of impact on the child’s emotional wellbeing and social development.
As a worker in the children and young people’s workforce, your role is to recognise when these situations are occurring and to provide balanced support. This includes explaining reasons clearly to the child using age-appropriate language, maintaining accurate records, and identifying safe ways for them to form new connections. The loss of important relationships can be very challenging, but with understanding, practical support and careful intervention, children can still develop strong and healthy networks that help them thrive.
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