5.5 Explain how children and young people can be supported to explore feelings in relation to contact and relationships with wider family members

This guide will help you answer 5.5 Explain how children and young people can be supported to explore feelings in relation to contact and relationships with wider family members.

Supporting children and young people to explore feelings about contact and relationships with wider family members is a sensitive part of the childcare and young people’s workforce role. This can involve feelings about seeing parents, siblings, grandparents, extended family members, or family friends. These relationships may be positive, neutral or difficult. Workers need to help children recognise, express, and manage these feelings in healthy ways.

Feelings can range from excitement and happiness to anxiety, anger, sadness, confusion or fear. These emotions can shift over time. The approach must be respectful and guided by the child’s needs, age, maturity, and experiences.

Contact with Wider Family

Contact with wider family members may be part of regular arrangements, such as weekend visits with grandparents or staying overnight with relatives during school holidays. It can also be part of formal agreements under care or court orders. Where families have experienced separation, breakdown, or safeguarding concerns, contact may feel stressful for the child.

Workers need to be aware why the contact is happening, what the child’s past experiences are, and how they feel about it. Exploring feelings must be safe, supported, and never forced.

Children may have mixed feelings about certain relatives. A child might feel proud to have a close relationship with a grandparent yet feel nervous about meeting a parent after a period apart. A young person could feel loyalty to one family member and resentment toward another.

Creating a Safe Environment for Exploration

Children will only share feelings when they feel secure and respected. A safe environment can be emotional, physical, and relational.

Ways to create safety include:

Speaking privately where the child will not be overheard
Maintaining a calm tone of voice
Listening without judgement
Respecting the child’s pace in conversations
Avoiding pressure to say something they are not ready for

Physical safety means protecting them from any risk during contact. Emotional safety means protecting them from feeling pushed or criticised when expressing feelings.

Listening and Observation

Active listening is key. It involves paying attention to what the child says and how they say it, as well as body language. Many children express feelings through behaviour rather than words. A child may avoid talking about certain relatives but become restless or upset when contact is mentioned.

Observation is important in group settings too. Workers might notice changes in mood around key dates such as birthdays or holidays related to family contact.

Signs to look for include:

Withdrawal from activities
Sudden changes in mood
Physical signs of stress such as headaches or stomach aches
Increased aggression or irritability
Tearfulness or sadness

These signs can be an opening for gentle conversations about their feelings.

Using Age-Appropriate Methods

Children of different ages understand and express feelings in different ways. Younger children may use drawings, role play or storytelling to express how they feel about family contact. Older children or young people may prefer talking, writing, or music.

Helpful methods include:

Picture cards showing different emotions
Dolls or puppets to act out contact scenarios
Journals for recording thoughts before and after contact
Mood charts for daily use
Simple emotion scales such as “happy face to sad face”

By using tools suited to the child’s age and stage, the worker can make discussions more accessible and less intimidating.

Encouraging Expression

The aim is to help children feel confident to share feelings openly. This might be through:

Asking open-ended questions such as “How did you feel when you saw your aunt?”
Allowing quiet time so they can think before speaking
Accepting silence as part of the process
Validating feelings by saying things like “It’s okay to feel nervous before a visit”
Avoiding quick solutions that may dismiss their emotions

Children may need reassurance that their feelings are normal and acceptable, whatever they are.

Helping Children Understand Their Own Feelings

Some children and young people struggle to identify what they feel. Workers can help by naming emotions in simple terms and linking them to physical sensations. For example:

“You said your stomach feels tight. That can happen when you are feeling worried.”
“You smiled when we spoke about your grandfather. That might mean you are happy to see him.”

Over time, this helps the child build emotional awareness and vocabulary.

Managing Difficult or Negative Feelings

Negative feelings about family contact are not unusual, especially where there has been conflict, neglect, or inconsistent relationships. These feelings should be acknowledged rather than ignored.

Support can include:

Discussing coping strategies such as deep breathing or using a comfort object before and after contact
Preparing the child with clear information about what will happen during contact
Identifying safe people they can talk to if they feel upset
Offering a calm space after contact to decompress

If feelings are intense or persistent, involving other professionals such as counsellors or specialist support workers may be necessary.

Balancing Emotional Support with Practical Arrangements

Exploring feelings should link to practical preparation for contact. For example, if a child feels anxious about visiting a relative, agreeing on signals they can use if they want a break can give them more control.

Practical steps include:

Talking through travel arrangements
Planning activities they might enjoy with the family member
Setting realistic expectations for the visit
Agreeing on ways to end contact if they feel uncomfortable

Practical planning helps reduce uncertainty, which can lessen anxiety.

Supporting Ongoing Relationships

Some contact arrangements are long-term. Feelings may shift over months or years. Workers should revisit conversations regularly and adjust support as needed.

Ongoing support can include:

Checking in before and after visits
Recording changes in how the child describes their feelings
Keeping communication open with parents or guardians about any issues
Encouraging the child to reflect on positives and challenges

Relationships with wider family can strengthen over time or become strained. Monitoring the emotional impact helps prevent unresolved feelings from affecting the child’s wellbeing.

Respecting Cultural and Family Values

Family contact can be influenced by cultural traditions, religious beliefs, and personal values. Workers should respect these while focusing on the child’s emotional needs. For example, certain family gatherings may carry special meaning in some cultures, and preparing the child for these can help them feel involved.

Respecting traditions means explaining their significance to the child if the child is unfamiliar with them, and supporting them to express how they feel about including or excluding certain customs.

Handling Confidentiality

Children must feel confident that their personal feelings will be respected. Workers should avoid sharing details with others unless there is a safeguarding concern or the child has agreed to share.

Ways to protect confidentiality:

Keeping written records secure
Avoiding discussion about the child’s feelings in front of other children
Being clear to the child about who will hear their thoughts

This builds trust and encourages open conversations.

Dealing with Situations Where Contact Is Difficult

Sometimes contact is linked to distressing past experiences. In such cases, workers may need to help the child explore feelings about why contact happens and who manages it. Honesty matters here. The child may need to know that certain decisions are made by courts, parents, or social workers, and that their opinions are valued.

Support in difficult contact situations can involve:

Working with social workers to adjust contact plans where possible
Helping the child feel safe during visits
Using gradual introductions or supervised contact where risk is present
Encouraging the child to speak about fears or worries without pressure

Building Trust in the Worker–Child Relationship

A strong relationship between the worker and the child encourages openness. Trust grows with consistency, reliability, and respect.

To build trust:

Keep promises about meetings or conversations
Show genuine interest in what the child says
Be patient and avoid rushing them to share feelings
Offer choices where possible

Trust makes it easier for the child to explore complex emotions about family members.

Role of Communication with Parents and Guardians

Where appropriate, workers can involve parents or guardians in supporting the child. This can mean sharing general feelings expressed by the child without exposing private details.

Good communication may cover:

Preparing the parent for possible changes in mood after contact
Agreeing on strategies to support the child
Passing on any requests from the child about activities or boundaries during visits

Effective coordination ensures the child’s voice is heard without breaking confidentiality.

Monitoring and Reviewing Emotional Support

Supporting feelings about contact is an ongoing process. Workers should review methods used and adapt to changes in the child’s circumstances. A child growing older may shift from drawing emotions to discussing them more directly.

Reviewing involves:

Checking emotional tools are still appropriate
Looking for signs of increased comfort or distress
Adjusting conversation styles to match developmental changes

Recorded notes can help workers and other professionals track progress.

Final Thoughts

Helping children and young people explore feelings linked to contact with wider family members is about giving them space, choice, and understanding in safe ways. Every child has their own personal history and way of expressing emotions. Respecting their individuality and offering consistent support makes the process more successful.

The worker’s role is to listen, observe, and respond with empathy. This builds confidence in the child to share feelings, whether those are positive or negative. Regular, thoughtful conversations, combined with practical arrangements for contact, can make family relationships more manageable and help the child feel stronger and more secure over time.