5.2. Explain why it may not be appropriate for children and young people to maintain relationships when accessing foster care and adoption services

This guide will help you answer 5.2. Explain why it may not be appropriate for children and young people to maintain relationships when accessing foster care and adoption services.

When children and young people enter foster care or adoption services, they often leave behind people from their past. This can include family members, friends, teachers, neighbours, and others who were part of their lives before placement. In some cases, it may not be appropriate for the child to continue those relationships. This is a sensitive and complex issue that needs to focus on the safety, wellbeing, and best interests of the child.

The reasons for limiting or ending contact vary from case to case. They are often based on the child’s welfare, emotional health, safety, and the ability to form new secure attachments. The decision is usually guided by social workers, carers, courts, and other professionals who work under legal and safeguarding frameworks.

This guide covers the different factors that may make it inappropriate for children and young people to maintain past relationships during their time in foster care or adoption arrangements.

Risk of Harm

One of the most common reasons for limiting contact is to prevent harm. If a parent, family member, or friend has been abusive, neglectful, or unsafe in the past, keeping that relationship could put the child at risk.

Harm can be:

• Physical, such as hitting, hurting, or failing to protect from danger
• Emotional, such as constant criticism, manipulation, or putting the child under stress
• Sexual, such as any inappropriate or illegal behaviour towards the child
• Neglect, such as failing to provide basic needs like food, shelter, and emotional support

For example, a child might have lived with a parent who regularly left them alone or exposed them to domestic violence. Allowing contact in such cases could lead to re-traumatisation or an increased risk of neglect.

If harmful behaviour has been a part of someone’s relationship with the child, the protection of the child takes priority over maintaining that relationship.

Emotional Stability and Attachment

Children placed in foster care or adoption have often experienced instability. They may have moved home many times or lived in unsafe environments. Maintaining past relationships, particularly with people who have not consistently met their needs, may affect the child’s ability to settle into a new stable environment.

Strong healthy attachments with new carers are important for recovery and development. When a child is still emotionally tied to a past relationship that caused distress or mixed feelings, forming secure bonds in their new placement can be harder. The new foster carer or adoptive parent might not be able to build trust if the child remains emotionally pulled towards previous unhealthy relationships.

In some cases, certain relationships can cause confusion about family roles. For example, if a child sees both their adoptive parents and a birth parent who undermines the placement, the child may struggle with loyalty conflicts. This can cause anxiety, mistrust, and additional behavioural challenges.

Preventing Negative Influence

Negative influence means when someone encourages, models, or pressures harmful or unsafe behaviour. Children in care may have previously been around individuals who normalised substance misuse, criminal behaviour, school refusal, or unsafe lifestyles.

If a person from the child’s past continues to promote these harmful patterns, contact could undo the progress made in a new safe placement. For example:

• A child is doing well at school in foster care, but an old friend encourages truanting
• A relative speaks negatively about the foster carer, leading to tension and mistrust
• Someone pressures the child to return to unsafe environments

Maintaining such relationships can reduce the positive impact of the foster or adoptive placement, making it harder for the child to adapt and thrive.

Legal Restrictions

Sometimes the court places legal restrictions on who the child can see. This can form part of care orders, supervision orders, or adoption orders. Legal conditions are usually put in place after thorough assessment and evidence that certain contact would not be safe or in the child’s best interests.

Social workers and carers must follow these court directives. If a restriction is ignored, it may cause legal consequences for the carers and the local authority. This also risks the child’s placement stability if the court believes the carers cannot maintain boundaries.

Legal restrictions may be temporary or permanent, depending on progress, safety, and the child’s needs.

Risk of Manipulation

Manipulation can be when someone tries to control the child’s thinking or behaviour for their own gain. Sometimes parents or others try to influence the child into rejecting their carers, feeling guilty for living elsewhere, or even running away from placement.

Signs of manipulation can include:

• Passing on messages that make the child feel bad about their new home
• Giving false information about why they are in care
• Encouraging the child to distrust professionals
• Offering rewards in exchange for rule-breaking

Such patterns damage the child’s sense of stability and safety. Professional support focuses on giving clarity, trust, and consistent emotional care, and contact with manipulative people can undermine that.

Safeguarding the Adoption or Foster Placement

Adoption and foster care placements are designed to provide safety, permanency, and nurture. These arrangements only succeed if the child feels secure and the carers can provide consistent parenting.

If old relationships cause tension, stress, or breakdown of boundaries, the placement may be at risk of disruption. For example, a child might become distressed after visits, act out, or refuse to bond with carers. A placement breakdown can be traumatic and cause further instability.

By limiting or stopping certain relationships, workers protect the placement and create an environment in which the child can focus on building well-being.

Allowing Healing and Recovery

Many children in care have experienced trauma. Trauma is emotional and psychological harm caused by deeply distressing events. Healing from trauma often requires a safe environment without ongoing exposure to triggers from the past.

If a child continues to see someone linked to their trauma, it may keep them stuck in distress or reawaken old emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness. For example, a child who suffered neglect might not be able to recover if they are still in regular contact with someone who ignored their needs.

Therapeutic support, stable routines, and safe boundaries help the child process their experiences. Contact with certain individuals can disturb this process.

Identity and Belonging

Children need a sense of who they are and where they belong. Sometimes, contact with certain people can cause conflict between old and new identities. In adoption, for example, the goal is often for the child to feel part of their new family.

If a child receives mixed messages about belonging, this can create confusion. Some individuals from the past may criticise the new family, tear down the child’s confidence in their new home, or reject the adoption. This can cause the child to feel torn and unable to fully commit to their new environment.

Protecting Privacy

A child’s life in foster care or adoption is private and protected. Sharing details about their placement with people outside the approved contact list can put the child at risk of unwanted interference or harmful exposure.

Some relationships from the past might involve individuals who do not respect this privacy. They might post details online, gossip about the child’s situation, or contact others who are not meant to be involved. Keeping distance from such individuals helps keep the child safe and their information secure.

Impact on Carers

Foster carers and adoptive parents often invest significant emotional and practical energy in supporting the child. If previous relationships undermine their care or create added stress, it can impact their ability to meet the child’s needs.

For example:

• The carer spends excessive time managing difficult behaviours after upsetting contact
• The carer faces hostility or threats from someone in the child’s past
• Carers feel their role is being undermined

By limiting inappropriate relationships, carers can focus on building a strong and positive relationship with the child.

Supporting Court and Care Plans

Every child in foster care or adoption has a care plan set by social services. This plan outlines goals for the child’s safety, education, health, and emotional growth. It also records what contact is allowed and under what conditions.

If a relationship is not in the plan, or conflicts with the goals, it may be stopped or reduced. This keeps the plan consistent and ensures everyone works towards the same objectives.

Special Considerations for Young People

Older children and teenagers may have stronger views on keeping relationships from their past. Their opinions are always considered, but safety and wellbeing remain the priority.

Young people may not see certain behaviours as harmful, especially if they are used to them. They may also feel loyalty towards people who mistreated them. In these cases, professionals support the young person to understand why a relationship might not be safe or helpful, without shaming or blaming them.

Support can include:

• Counselling
• Life story work
• Honest discussions about safety and trust
• Building positive peer networks

Balancing Loss and Safety

Ending contact with important people is difficult and can feel like another loss for the child. Workers should acknowledge this grief and provide emotional support.

Where it is safe, contact might be reduced rather than ended immediately. Indirect contact — such as letters, cards, or supervised visits — may offer a safe way to maintain some link until circumstances change.

The focus is always on balancing the child’s need for connection with the need for safety and emotional stability.

Final Thoughts

Keeping some past relationships can be a good thing for children in foster care or adoption. These can help them retain a link to their history, culture, and identity. But when a relationship poses risks to safety, emotional wellbeing, stability, or healing, it may be best to limit or end it.

As a worker, your role is to support these decisions in line with legal guidance and the care plan, while showing empathy for the child’s feelings. Always remember that the purpose of restricting relationships is to protect the child’s future, giving them the best chance to grow, recover, and thrive.

Every child’s situation is different. The key is to listen carefully, observe signs of harm or distress, and work with the whole care team to decide what contact is safe and supportive. This approach, although challenging, gives the child the stability and security they need for their long-term wellbeing.