How Not to Be Patronising in Health and Social Care

Being patronising in health and social care can damage relationships. It undermines trust. It can make individuals feel inferior or dismissed. Avoiding patronising behaviour is essential to building respectful, person-centred care. In this guide, we cover some actionable steps to avoid being patronising.

Use Respectful Language

Language plays a huge role in communication. Avoid using phrases that appear condescending. Speak to individuals like adults, regardless of their age, health condition, or capacity.

Do not use “sweetheart,” “dear,” or similar terms unless the person has said they are comfortable with it. These terms can feel diminishing and disrespectful. Call people by their preferred name or title to show respect.

Avoid using overly simplistic language. Simplify when needed, but do not assume that the person cannot understand complex ideas. For example, instead of saying, “You won’t understand; it’s complicated,” try breaking down the concept in friendly, clear terms.

Listen and Validate Their Experiences

Listening without interrupting is fundamental. Let people express themselves fully. Even if you disagree, validate their feelings and experiences. Avoid phrases like “that’s silly” or “don’t be ridiculous.”

If someone says they are in pain, do not dismiss it with “you’re tough; you’re fine.” Instead, acknowledge it and offer to help. For example: “I understand that you’re in pain. Let’s work together to make you comfortable.”

Listening well shows you value their perspective. It helps avoid a patronising tone because you are giving space to their voice.

Respect Independence

Encourage independence. Offer help when needed, but do not assume someone cannot do something for themselves. For example, if a person struggles with mobility, ask them if they need assistance instead of automatically stepping in: “Would you like help walking, or are you okay on your own?”

Do not treat an individual as incapable if they have difficulties. Support their independence by respecting their choices.

Communicate in an Empowering Way

Focus on empowerment. Frame your communication positively. Avoid phrases like “I’ll handle it for you because you can’t manage.” Instead, emphasise collaboration: “Let’s work together on this.”

Ask for their input on how they would like to address situations. Give more options rather than making decisions for them. It empowers individuals to participate actively in their care.

Avoid Talking Down

Adopt a respectful tone. Do not use a sing-song voice or slow overly down unless the person requests it or needs it. Speaking slowly can come across as patronising if the context doesn’t call for it.

Talk clearly and naturally, not like you are speaking to a child. Avoid making exaggerated facial expressions or gestures unless appropriate to the situation.

Recognise Individual Expertise

People know their own lives better than anyone else. Avoid assuming you know best simply because you’re a health and social care worker. For example, if a person is describing their own symptoms, don’t say, “That can’t be right; it’s not how the condition normally works.” Trust what they tell you.

Acknowledging their expertise about their own body and mind establishes equality and shows value for their perspective.

Adapt Communication Styles

Consider communication preferences. Some people may prefer concise explanations, while others may want additional detail.

For individuals who struggle with communication (e.g., due to dementia or a learning disability), modify your approach respectfully. For example, use simpler language without being patronising. Be clear without being abrupt.

Build Rapport

Strong relationships reduce patronising behaviour. Get to know the individual over time. Ask questions to understand their preferences and values.

Make small talk where appropriate, but don’t assume you know their interests. Avoid generalisations like: “You must enjoy bingo since you’re elderly.”

Rapport allows for trust and reduces hierarchy in care settings.

Avoid Assumptions Based on Age, Ability, or Health

It’s important to avoid assumptions about what someone is capable of based on their age or condition. People are unique; their abilities vary widely even within groups.

If someone is older or has an illness, do not automatically speak slowly or simplify language. Gauge their understanding first. If help is needed, they can request it.

Speak normally unless provided a reason to change your communication approach. Avoid stereotyping abilities.

Be Open to Feedback

Reflect on your behaviour regularly. Communication styles can accidentally come across as patronising. Create opportunities for individuals to give feedback about working with you.

If someone mentions feeling infantilised, take their words seriously. Apologise if necessary and change your approach to better suit their needs.

Providing options for feedback helps you grow and improves the experience for others.

Communicate with Empathy

Empathy helps reduce patronising tones. Understand their struggles without belittling them. For example, if somebody expresses concern about adapting to life with a new disability, avoid saying: “It’s not that hard; you’ll get used to it.”

Instead, acknowledge their feelings. Offer support without dismissal. For example: “That sounds like a big change. Let’s find practical ways to make life easier for you.” Empathy connects you to their experience.

Respect Cultural and Social Differences

Different backgrounds shape how people prefer to communicate. Learn about cultural practices and avoid imposing your own communication style.

For example, some individuals may prefer formality, while others are happy with informal chat. Respect their choice and adjust appropriately.

Avoid Over-Explaining

Over-explaining can seem patronising. Share enough detail to inform but not overwhelm. For example, when explaining how medication works, avoid lengthy speeches unless asked for extra detail.

Prompt individuals to ask questions if they want more information. This makes the conversation more collaborative than one-sided.

Value Their Humanity

Treat every person with dignity. Avoid reducing individuals to their diagnosis or labels. For example, avoid phrases like “they’re just confused because they have dementia.” Speak about them as a person first: “They’re finding this situation difficult right now.”

Humanity comes first. When people feel valued, they feel respected.

Avoid Negative Non-Verbal Communication

Body language matters. Avoid sighing, rolling your eyes, or crossing your arms defensively. These movements can appear dismissive even if your words are neutral.

Keep eye contact without staring. Smile naturally. Relax your posture. Open, welcoming non-verbal signals are non-patronising.

Provide Choice and Autonomy

Offer options and allow people to make decisions about their care. Avoid dictating what they must do. For example, instead of saying: “You need to eat this because I said so,” frame it thoughtfully: “Would you prefer the soup or sandwich today?”

Choice reinforces dignity. It gives individuals control over their care decisions.

Be Patient

Take time with every interaction. Rushing can feel dismissive or rushed, which may insult their dignity.

Focus completely on the person while interacting. Minimise distractions like mobile phones during communication. When someone feels you’re giving them time and attention, they are unlikely to experience patronising behaviour.

Promote Equality

Avoid creating an imbalance of power. Speak as equals, not as though you are superior. For example, if introducing yourself, avoid saying: “I’m the professional here; let me explain everything.” You might say: “I’m here to work with you and find the best solutions together.”

Equality helps build trust and respect.

Final Thoughts

By following these steps, you can improve your communication in health and social care settings. Every person deserves dignity and respect. Avoiding patronising behaviour helps achieve this goal.