What is the Parkes’ Model of Bereavement?

The Parkes’ Model of Bereavement is a theoretical framework created by British psychiatrist Colin Murray Parkes to describe the emotional and psychological changes people experience after the death of a loved one. It is widely used within health and social care, particularly when supporting individuals coping with grief. Parkes was influenced by his extensive work with grieving families and his interest in understanding the natural process of mourning.

Unlike some models that outline rigid stages, Parkes described bereavement as a process marked by phases that may overlap or repeat. His work recognises that grief is both an emotional and adaptive response. By adaptive, he meant that people gradually adjust to the loss over time, even though feelings of sadness and longing may never fully disappear.

The model is grounded in the idea that bereavement involves confronting reality, experiencing emotional pain, and gradually rebuilding life without the person who has died. It reflects human reactions to loss in a way that is highly relatable, making it practical in counselling, healthcare, and social support.

Background and Development

Colin Murray Parkes developed his theories in the 1960s and 1970s, alongside other grief theorists such as John Bowlby. Parkes drew on attachment theory, which explains how strong emotional bonds are formed and how separation from those bonds affects individuals. His clinical experience with terminally ill patients and bereaved relatives helped him identify patterns in the grieving process.

He saw bereavement not as a single emotional event but as a journey through different states. This idea challenged the older belief that grief was something to be “got over” quickly. Parkes highlighted that emotional pain is a natural response to loving relationships and that suppressing grief can delay or complicate recovery.

The model has since been used in both professional and community settings. In the UK, it often complements counselling practices, palliative care protocols, and guidance for carers supporting the bereaved.

Structure of the Parkes’ Model

Parkes identified several phases of bereavement, sometimes referred to as phases or reactions rather than fixed stages. These phases may include:

• Numbness or shock
• Pining or yearning
• Disorganisation and despair
• Reorganisation

These phases reflect a mix of emotional responses and behavioural changes, and they may overlap in time. People may move back and forth between them rather than progress in a straight line. Each person’s experience is unique, but the model provides a helpful outline for understanding common feelings during grief.

Phase 1: Numbness or Shock

The first phase often occurs immediately after the death. It can last from hours to days, though sometimes it extends longer. Numbness acts as a psychological cushion, temporarily protecting the bereaved person from the full impact of the loss.

Common features include:

• Feeling disconnected or unreal
• Difficulty accepting the death as factual
• Emotional withdrawal
• Physical symptoms such as tiredness, shaking, or difficulty breathing

In this phase, many people continue daily routines almost mechanically. They may appear calm to others, even though they are experiencing inner distress. This can lead to misunderstandings if outsiders assume they are “coping well”. Health and social care professionals recognise that numbness is normal and should not be confused with indifference.

Phase 2: Pining or Yearning

Once numbness fades, a period of intense longing often follows. Pining means deeply wishing for the person to come back or to be reunited with them. This phase is marked by emotional pain, which may come in waves.

Features include:

• Crying spells and feelings of emptiness
• Searching for the deceased in familiar places
• Heightened memories of the person
• Disturbed sleep and loss of appetite

Some people may have vivid dreams or sense the presence of the deceased. Parkes suggested these reactions are linked to the attachment bond and the mind’s effort to maintain that connection, even when the person has gone.

In health and social care practice, pining is recognised as a sign that the grieving process is advancing. Professional support at this stage focuses on listening, validating feelings, and helping the person find ways to honour their memory.

Phase 3: Disorganisation and Despair

This phase often feels like the reality of loss has fully set in. The bereaved person may feel the future is bleak or meaningless without their loved one. Emotional energy can be low, making daily activities harder.

Common signs include:

• Reduced motivation and withdrawal from social contact
• Difficulty making decisions
• Feelings of hopelessness
• Lack of interest in hobbies or work

This can be a particularly difficult time for those who had a close dependency on the person who died, such as a spouse, parent, or long-term carer. In social care, support may involve practical help with daily living, encouragement to reconnect with supportive networks, and counselling.

Parkes noted that despair is part of the reorganisation process. While painful, it reflects the emotional reality of loss, which is necessary before meaningful adaptation can occur.

Phase 4: Reorganisation

In this phase, the bereaved person begins to focus more on life without the person who has died. This is not about “forgetting” but about integrating the loss into daily living. People may start to make new plans, take up activities, and engage with others more.

Features can include:

• Regaining interest in work, hobbies, or social events
• Developing new routines that do not revolve around the deceased
• A more stable emotional state
• Continuing bonds expressed through memories, anniversaries, or symbolic gestures

“Continuing bonds” is an idea that Parkes supported — acknowledging that love and emotional connection remain, even though the person cannot physically return. By building a life that incorporates the memory of the person, the bereaved can move forward without erasing their importance.

This phase is often gradual and can take months or years to fully establish.

Emotional and Physical Reactions

Parkes’ model recognises that bereavement is not only emotional but physical too. Grief can trigger symptoms like exhaustion, headaches, muscle tension, and vulnerability to illness. Sleep and appetite changes are common.

Emotional reactions may include:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Guilt
• Anxiety

Understanding that these symptoms form part of a normal grieving process can prevent misinterpretation. In healthcare, staff are trained to distinguish between normal grief and conditions such as depression, which may require medical intervention.

Application in Health and Social Care

The Parkes’ Model is useful for identifying where a person is in the grieving process and tailoring support accordingly. For example:

• In the shock phase: Offer practical help and check understanding of what has happened.
• In the pining phase: Keep communication open, validate feelings, and encourage expression of grief.
• In disorganisation: Provide emotional support and help re-establish routines.
• In reorganisation: Encourage engagement with new commitments and sustaining meaningful memories.

Bereavement services in the UK often incorporate Parkes’ ideas into training for nurses, social workers, and counsellors. This allows professionals to recognise normal grief patterns and to respond compassionately.

Differences from Other Grief Models

Unlike the more widely known Kübler-Ross model, which lists five stages of grief, Parkes’ model is less rigid. He did not aim to create a prescriptive sequence but to map out common features that may appear during mourning. This flexibility makes his model more adaptable to individual differences.

Parkes also placed greater emphasis on attachment theory, seeing grief as an outcome of strong emotional bonds. This focus highlights the deep psychological and relational aspects of loss.

Cultural Considerations

In the UK, cultural background can influence the way grief is expressed and experienced. Parkes’ model is broad enough to fit different traditions and customs. Some communities grieve openly with public rituals, while others prefer private mourning. The model allows for these variations while recognising that the phases can still occur internally.

Professionals using the model must remain sensitive to cultural norms when supporting bereaved individuals. This might involve respecting certain mourning practices, avoiding culturally inappropriate suggestions, and understanding that the expression of grief does not always reflect its depth.

Limitations and Criticisms

No model can capture every experience of grief. Critics note that some people do not pass through the phases in the way the model suggests, or they may skip certain phases entirely. Others experience prolonged grief that does not resolve into adaptation without intervention.

Another limitation is that the model focuses mainly on emotional adjustment rather than practical challenges, though these often accompany bereavement. For example, financial difficulties, loneliness, or legal matters after death may require separate attention.

Despite these criticisms, Parkes’ model remains valued due to its clear description of common grief reactions and its grounding in psychological theory.

Supporting Someone Using Parkes’ Model

For health or social care workers, using Parkes’ model means listening without judgement, recognising which phase the person might be in, and offering appropriate help. This could involve:

• Providing clear information after a death
• Being patient with emotional changes
• Avoiding pressure to “move on” quickly
• Offering resources like bereavement counselling

Family members can use the model informally to understand that certain behaviours — like longing for the deceased, or feeling disorganised — are natural stages rather than signs of failure.

Final Thoughts

The Parkes’ Model of Bereavement gives an accessible framework to understand the complex emotional process that follows the death of a loved one. Its emphasis on phases such as numbness, pining, disorganisation, and reorganisation helps professionals and families alike to recognise grief as a natural adaptation to loss.

By acknowledging both the emotional and physical impacts of bereavement, and by allowing flexibility for individual differences, Parkes’ work continues to be a valuable guide in health and social care practice across the UK. It supports compassionate responses, encourages patience during mourning, and affirms that while life is changed forever by loss, it can be rebuilt with meaning and connection.