What is Co-Regulation in Early Years?

Co-regulation refers to the supportive process by which adults help young children manage their emotions, behaviour, and actions. This involves a partnership where adults provide guidance, modelling, and reassurance, enabling children to gradually develop self-regulation skills.

Self-regulation means a child being able to control their responses, manage their impulses, and deal with their feelings effectively. Co-regulation acts as a stepping stone for children to achieve this ability. It sets the foundation for emotional wellbeing, social skills, and learning in later life.

Why Co-Regulation Matters

Young children are not born with the ability to manage their emotions or behaviour independently. Their brains and nervous systems are still developing. This is particularly true in the first five years of life, when growth occurs rapidly. During this time, children rely heavily on adults to guide them through challenging situations.

Co-regulation supports this growth by providing a safe, predictable environment. This safety encourages trust and helps children learn how to process overwhelming feelings. It also teaches them to form positive relationships and respond appropriately to social cues.

For instance, a toddler experiencing frustration might throw a toy. An adult practising co-regulation might acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I see you’re upset because the toy isn’t working.” They might then model a calming strategy, such as taking deep breaths or finding a solution together.

This process not only calms the child but also teaches them how to react to similar situations in the future.

The Role of the Adult in Co-Regulation

Adults play a central role in co-regulation. They act as calm, secure anchors when children feel overwhelmed. Their responses can either escalate or soothe a situation. Patience, understanding, and consistency are crucial.

Key adult behaviours include:

• Staying calm, even when a child’s behaviour is challenging.
• Recognising and validating the child’s emotions.
• Providing gentle guidance to help the child understand their feelings.
• Offering solutions or examples of appropriate behaviour.

Adults also model effective coping strategies. For instance, if an adult shows how they handle frustration by using calm breathing or positive language, a child is likely to imitate this behaviour. Over time, this helps children internalise these responses.

Building a Connection

A strong relationship between the adult and child is at the heart of co-regulation. This connection provides a sense of safety, which is vital for a child to learn. When a child trusts the adult, they are more likely to seek their help when emotions become difficult to handle.

Ways to strengthen this connection include:

• Spending one-on-one time with the child.
• Using eye contact and a warm tone of voice during interactions.
• Listening attentively to the child’s concerns.
• Responding to their needs promptly and lovingly.

Children who feel connected to their caregivers are more likely to co-operate during co-regulation sessions.

Recognising Emotional Thresholds

Every child is unique, with different emotional needs and thresholds. Some children may become overwhelmed by loud noises, others by changes in routine. Understanding these triggers helps adults step in before the child’s emotions spiral out of control.

For example:

• A child who struggles with transitions might benefit from advance warnings or visual aids.
• A child who becomes upset by loud environments might need a quiet space to retreat to.

By recognising these thresholds, adults can tailor their co-regulation approach, making it more effective.

Practical Methods for Co-Regulation

There are several ways adults can practise co-regulation with young children. These methods are simple yet powerful in helping children develop emotional and behavioural control.

Labelling Emotions

Teach children to recognise and name their feelings. Instead of saying, “Don’t be angry,” try saying, “I can see you’re feeling angry. Let’s talk about it.” This helps children understand their emotions and reduces the likelihood of acting out.

Creating a Calming Routine

Introduce calming activities such as:

• Deep breathing exercises.
• Reading or storytelling in a quiet area.
• Gentle music or sensory play.

These activities help children regulate their emotions and can be used as coping tools.

Offering Choices

Giving children options helps them feel more in control. For example, if a child resists putting on their coat, ask, “Would you like to wear the red one or the blue one?” This small sense of control can reduce power struggles and tantrums.

Using Visual Supports

Visual aids like feelings charts or cue cards reinforce co-regulation. A feelings chart helps children identify their emotions, while cue cards can guide them in choosing appropriate responses.

Predictability

Children feel safer in predictable environments. Consistent routines, clear rules, and expectations help them understand what comes next. This lowers their stress levels, making them more willing to engage in co-regulation.

Co-regulation is not always easy. It requires time, effort, and patience. There will be moments when children are resistant or when adults themselves feel frustrated. The key is to remain committed to the process, even during setbacks.

Busy schedules, high stress, or lack of training can make co-regulation harder. Adults might struggle to stay calm in the face of challenging behaviour or to recognise what the child needs. Seeking support from colleagues, training, or self-care can address these challenges.

The Long-Term Benefits of Co-Regulation

Co-regulation has lasting effects. It equips children with skills they will use throughout their lives. These include:

• Managing stress and setbacks.
• Forming healthy relationships.
• Focusing on tasks and problem-solving.
• Understanding empathy and compassion.

It also reduces the likelihood of behavioural issues. Children who experience consistent co-regulation are better prepared to succeed in school and life.

The Connection with Brain Development

The brain undergoes significant growth in the early years. During stressful situations, children’s brains activate their “fight or flight” response. This means they might scream, cry, or act out. Co-regulation teaches children to move away from these automatic responses.

With consistent help from adults, the child’s brain begins to form new connections. These connections help them handle emotions in calmer, more thoughtful ways. This process is often referred to as “building executive function skills,” which include decision-making, self-control, and memory.

The Role of the Early Years Setting

Early years settings like nurseries are key environments for practising co-regulation. Practitioners work closely with children, observing their behaviours and responding with tailored strategies. These settings often adopt policies that promote positive behaviour and emotional wellbeing.

Effective co-regulation in these settings includes:

• Training staff to understand emotional development.
• Creating safe spaces for children to retreat in times of distress.
• Encouraging open communication between parents and practitioners.

Working with Families

Parents and caregivers play a vital role in co-regulation. Practitioners can help families mirror these techniques at home. Sharing ideas through workshops, leaflets, or informal chats helps bridge the gap between the home and early years setting.

For example:

• Teach parents the importance of labelling emotions.
• Share calming strategies that can work both in the nursery and at home.
• Suggest activities that build emotional awareness, such as storytime or art.

This teamwork strengthens the child’s overall ability to self-regulate.

Final Thoughts

Co-regulation is more than just calming a child in distress. It’s an essential process that nurtures emotional growth and resilience. By staying patient and consistent, adults help children gradually take control of managing their feelings and behaviours.

The skills children learn through co-regulation can positively impact all areas of their lives. It’s an investment in their emotional and social foundation, ensuring they grow into confident, empathetic individuals.