1.3 Describe the stages in the cycle of abuse

This guide will help you answer 1.3 Describe the stages in the cycle of abuse.

The cycle of abuse explains how abusive behaviour repeats and develops over time. It helps us understand why people remain in abusive relationships or environments, and why abuse often continues despite promises to change. This model applies to many forms of abuse, including physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and psychological abuse.

Understanding this cycle helps care and support workers recognise signs of risk, provide timely support, and respond appropriately to those affected. The cycle typically involves four main stages: the build-up phase, the incident phase, the reconciliation phase, and the calm phase. Each stage plays a part in trapping the person being abused in a continuing pattern of fear, control, and manipulation.

The Build-Up Phase

This stage involves rising tension and increasing signs of stress or conflict. The person displaying abusive behaviour may become irritable, controlling, or suspicious. They may start blaming the victim for small issues or showing frustration over things that would usually seem minor.

During this time, the victim often tries to keep the peace. They might change their behaviour, apologise unnecessarily, or try to please the abuser to prevent an outburst. This stage can last hours, days, or even weeks depending on the relationship.

Common behaviours in the build-up stage include:

• Verbal criticism or name-calling
• Controlling behaviour, such as monitoring calls or messages
• Sudden mood swings or withdrawal
• Threats or intimidation
• Emotional manipulation

The person being abused often experiences anxiety, confusion, and fear. They may feel like they are walking on eggshells, unsure of what might trigger the abuser’s anger. Over time, this causes emotional exhaustion and weakens self-esteem.

The Incident Phase

This is the point where the abuse becomes direct and visible. The tension that has been building explodes into an act of aggression, violence, or emotional harm. The incident can take many forms, including physical assault, shouting, humiliation, sexual coercion, or financial control.

During this phase, the abuser often aims to regain control or dominance. Their behaviour may be unpredictable and extreme. The victim’s safety and wellbeing are most at risk in this stage.

Examples of actions in this phase include:

• Physical attacks, such as hitting or pushing
• Verbal abuse, shouting, or threats
• Destroying personal property
• Forcing unwanted sexual activity
• Restricting money or access to essentials

The victim may feel shocked, frightened, and powerless. They might freeze in response or try to escape the situation. If they cannot leave, they may comply to avoid further harm. This phase leaves both emotional and physical scars and often reinforces feelings of shame and isolation.

The Reconciliation Phase

After the abusive incident, the abuser may feel guilt or fear of losing control over the relationship. This leads to the reconciliation or “honeymoon” phase. The abuser may apologise, make promises, or show affection to regain trust. They might justify their actions by blaming stress, alcohol, work, or the victim’s behaviour.

This stage can feel confusing for the person being abused. They may believe the abuser truly regrets their behaviour and will change. This belief often prevents them from seeking help or leaving the relationship.

Common behaviours in this phase include:

• Apologies and promises to change
• Gifts or unexpected kindness
• Blaming others or circumstances
• Emotional appeals, such as saying “I can’t live without you”
• Denying or minimising the abuse

The victim might start to doubt their own memory of events. This is known as gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse that causes the person to question their perception of reality. During this phase, temporary peace often returns, creating a false sense of security.

The Calm Phase

In the calm phase, the relationship appears stable. The abuser may act loving and supportive. The victim may start to relax and believe the abuse is over. Daily life may seem normal again, and tension appears to have disappeared.

This stage can last a short time or extend for months. The abuser often uses this period to regain control through subtle means. They may make decisions for the victim, isolate them from friends or family, or quietly re-establish dominance.

The calm phase often gives the illusion of change. The victim may stay because they feel hopeful or because they depend on the abuser financially or emotionally. However, the underlying issues remain unresolved. Over time, tension begins to build again, restarting the cycle.

How the Cycle Repeats

The cycle of abuse is not a one-time event. It repeats, often becoming more severe each time. Each repetition damages the victim’s confidence and independence. The abuser’s control strengthens, while the victim’s ability to leave weakens.

Several factors contribute to the repetition:

• The abuser’s need for control
• Emotional dependency
• Financial or housing difficulties
• Fear of being alone or not believed
• Guilt or hope for change

Every cycle reinforces the power imbalance. The abuser learns that apologies and short-term kindness can restore control. The victim learns to tolerate harm to preserve peace. Over time, these patterns become normalised, making intervention more difficult.

Psychological Effects on the Victim

Living within this cycle affects every part of a person’s life. Emotionally, they may experience fear, confusion, and shame. Physically, stress can cause headaches, stomach problems, or sleep difficulties. Mentally, constant tension can lead to anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress.

Common emotional effects include:

• Feeling worthless or trapped
• Blaming themselves for the abuse
• Believing they deserve mistreatment
• Losing confidence and independence
• Feeling isolated from friends and family

These effects make it harder to seek help. Victims often minimise the abuse or hide it from others to avoid judgement. They may fear losing children, housing, or financial support if they report it.

Impact on Behaviour and Relationships

People caught in the cycle often change their behaviour to avoid conflict. They may withdraw socially, lie to protect the abuser, or take on excessive responsibilities to keep peace. Over time, their sense of identity weakens.

Common behavioural signs include:

• Avoiding contact with others
• Making excuses for the abuser’s behaviour
• Appearing anxious or jumpy
• Missing work or appointments
• Showing signs of physical injury

Relationships with others become strained. Friends or colleagues may notice changes but not understand the cause. The abuser may isolate the victim further by criticising those who try to help.

Barriers to Breaking the Cycle

Escaping the cycle is difficult. Many victims feel unable to leave or report the abuse. Some fear retaliation or losing contact with children. Others depend on the abuser financially or emotionally.

Barriers often include:

• Fear of not being believed
• Lack of safe housing or support
• Shame and embarrassment
• Financial control or debt
• Threats or blackmail
• Cultural or religious pressure to stay

Support workers must recognise these barriers and respond with empathy. Offering a safe space, listening without judgement, and providing accurate information about support services can help victims begin to regain control.

Role of Health and Social Care Workers

Health and social care workers play an important part in identifying and interrupting the cycle of abuse. They often notice early warning signs that others might overlook. Recognising patterns of behaviour allows for timely intervention.

Key responsibilities include:

• Observing and recording signs of abuse
• Listening to what people say without bias
• Reporting concerns through the correct safeguarding procedures
• Providing reassurance and information about help available
• Encouraging self-confidence and independence

Workers must follow their organisation’s safeguarding policy. If they suspect abuse, they should act quickly and share their concerns with a manager or safeguarding lead. All actions must respect confidentiality while protecting the person from further harm.

Supporting Recovery

Breaking the cycle requires consistent, compassionate support. People who have been abused need time to rebuild their confidence and sense of safety. Recovery may involve therapy, medical care, housing support, and help with financial independence.

Ways to support recovery include:

• Encouraging access to counselling or support groups
• Helping with safety planning
• Providing practical help with housing or finances
• Promoting education and employment opportunities
• Supporting healthy relationship boundaries

Over time, recovery helps the person regain control over their life and make decisions without fear. Trust and self-worth begin to rebuild, allowing healing to continue.

Awareness and Education

Education helps workers, families, and communities recognise abuse before it escalates. Understanding how the cycle operates enables early intervention. Awareness campaigns, staff training, and open discussions reduce stigma and empower people to speak out.

In care settings, staff should be trained to recognise patterns such as repeated injuries, sudden withdrawal, or anxiety around a specific person. Early reporting can prevent further harm and connect victims with the right services.

Training programmes should include:

• Recognising early warning signs
• Understanding the emotional effects of abuse
• Responding appropriately to disclosures
• Working in partnership with safeguarding professionals
• Maintaining accurate and confidential records

Final Thoughts

The cycle of abuse describes how harmful behaviour continues through repeated patterns of tension, violence, reconciliation, and calm. Each stage reinforces control and dependency. For the person being abused, it becomes harder to leave as fear, guilt, and isolation increase.

Breaking the cycle takes time, patience, and professional support. Health and social care workers must remain alert to the warning signs and take all concerns seriously. Their response can make a lasting difference, providing safety, understanding, and hope for those trapped in abuse.

By recognising the stages of the cycle, workers can play an active role in safeguarding others and supporting recovery. This knowledge not only protects individuals but promotes dignity, safety, and respect in every care setting.