3.1. Explain why it is important to encourage children or young people to resolve conflict for themselves if possible

This guide will help you answer 3.1. Explain why it is important to encourage children or young people to resolve conflict for themselves if possible.

Helping children and young people learn to resolve conflict on their own is a key part of their personal and social development. Conflict is a natural part of life and arises in many situations, from sharing toys at an early age to more complex issues as they grow older. By encouraging them to handle these disagreements themselves, we equip them with tools that will benefit them throughout their lives. This approach may not always be simple, but it supports their long-term growth and independence.

Building Conflict Resolution Skills

When children and young people resolve conflict themselves, they learn valuable skills they will carry into adulthood. These skills include:

• Communication: They practise expressing their feelings and needs effectively.
• Problem-solving: They think critically and consider solutions that benefit everyone involved.
• Negotiation: They engage in give-and-take discussions to reach compromises.
• Empathy: They learn to understand and consider the feelings of others.
• Patience and control: They become more mindful of their emotions and how to manage them.

By providing opportunities to develop these skills, we help them grow into confident and respectful individuals.

Fostering Independence

Allowing children to find their own solutions encourages independence. They gain confidence in their abilities to handle challenges. This self-belief fosters resilience, helping them face future issues with a clearer and more positive mindset. For example, if a child learns they can solve a disagreement through calm discussion, they are less likely to fear confrontation and more likely to approach conflicts constructively.

Resilience is an important quality for children and young people, especially in today’s world where they may face a variety of academic, social, and emotional pressures. Supporting them in resolving conflict independently gives them the coping mechanisms they need to handle difficult situations.

Teaching the Value of Responsibility

Conflict resolution also teaches children and young people about personal responsibility. They come to understand that their actions have consequences. Recognising this motivates them to make choices that minimise harm to themselves and others.

For instance, if they realise that shouting at a friend during an argument makes the situation worse, they may choose to stay calm the next time a disagreement arises. Over time, they will develop a stronger sense of accountability for how they treat others.

Encouraging Cooperation

When resolving conflict independently, children learn to work with others. Whether it’s a disagreement over a football game or deciding who gets to sit by the window on a school trip, negotiation involves cooperation.

Cooperation doesn’t mean just one person gives in—it is about finding common ground. This can strengthen their relationships and build mutual trust and respect with their peers. Learning the value of teamwork also prepares them for future environments such as workplaces, where collaboration is often essential.

Reducing the Need for Adult Intervention

If children can resolve conflicts themselves, adults do not have to step in as much. This independence benefits both parties:

• For children, it builds autonomy and problem-solving skills.
• For adults, it reduces their workload and allows them to focus on other responsibilities.

While adult support may occasionally be needed—especially in serious or unsafe situations—encouraging self-resolution avoids over-reliance on external help.

Learning from Mistakes

It’s important to allow room for trial and error. Children and young people will not get it right every time. Mistakes are natural, and they provide opportunities for learning.

For example:

• If a child refuses to compromise during a disagreement, they may later see how this damages the relationship.
• If a young person tries to resolve a conflict by ignoring it, they may notice the problem does not go away.

Failures like these help them reflect and adapt their approach in the future. Guided reflection is useful here—an adult can facilitate conversations about what went wrong and how to move forward.

Improving Emotional Regulation

Handling conflict independently requires emotional regulation. Children and young people must learn to manage anger, disappointment, or frustration without letting these emotions control them.

Adults can model and teach useful strategies for emotional regulation, such as:

• Taking deep breaths to calm down.
• Counting to ten before speaking.
• Using “I feel” statements instead of blaming others.

The more children practise these techniques, the better they become at staying composed during conflicts. This emotional control supports their success in school, friendships, and family life.

Creating a Sense of Fairness

When children get involved in resolving their own conflicts, they often develop a better sense of fairness. They are actively involved in the process and can see firsthand that fair solutions require considering everyone’s perspective.

For instance, if two children argue about sharing a toy, they can work together to decide how to take turns. Through experiences like this, they learn fairness isn’t about winning but about meeting needs in a balanced way.

Recognising Safeguarding Limits

While allowing children and young people to resolve conflict themselves is beneficial, adults must remain vigilant about safeguarding. Some conflicts, such as those involving bullying, discrimination, or physical harm, require adult intervention.

Adults need to evaluate the situation before deciding whether to step back or step in. Providing a safe environment is always the priority. If children are unsupported in a serious conflict, it can harm them emotionally or physically.

Adults can still give guidance even after stepping into a situation. For example, after resolving a bullying incident, they could discuss the importance of kindness and help the young people involved reflect on their behaviours.

Adult Support During the Process

Encouraging children and young people to resolve conflict on their own does not mean abandoning them. Adults may still:

• Mediate if the conflict becomes hostile.
• Offer advice if children seem unsure of how to proceed.
• Praise efforts to handle the situation calmly and respectfully.

Supporting independence involves striking a balance. Adults should allow children the freedom to practise resolving conflict, while remaining available to step in if queried or if difficulties arise.

Practical Ways to Encourage Self-Resolution

Here are some techniques you can use to support this process:

1. Provide conflict-resolution frameworks:
   Teach methods such as “stop, talk, listen, and agree.” This gives children tools to follow when they face disagreements.
2. Model respectful behaviour:
   Demonstrate how to handle disagreements maturely. For example, you might openly discuss and resolve a minor dispute with a colleague in their presence.
3. Role-playing:
   Practise scenarios with children. This can give them confidence. For example, how should they handle a situation where someone takes something without asking?
4. Ask guiding questions:
   Instead of solving the problem, ask questions such as, “What do you think would be fair?” or “How do you think the other person feels?”
5. Encourage perspective taking:
   Help children consider the other person’s point of view. This supports empathy and lessens the focus on “winning.”
6. Reflect afterwards:
   Encourage discussions about what worked well in resolving the conflict and what they might try differently next time.

Final Thoughts

Encouraging children and young people to resolve conflict themselves is not just about ending disagreements. It is about building mature, socially-aware individuals who are prepared for the challenges of life. This practice develops their communication, collaboration, empathy, and problem-solving abilities. It helps them take personal responsibility and builds resilience.

Adults play a supportive role by teaching conflict-resolution strategies, offering guidance where needed, and intervening when safety becomes a concern. By encouraging independence in conflict resolution, we contribute positively to their personal growth and long-term relationships.