3.2. Explain how to support a child or young person who is distressed by relationship difficulties

This guide will help you answer 3.2. Explain how to support a child or young person who is distressed by relationship difficulties.

Children and young people may face relationship difficulties in various settings, including family, school, or friendships. These challenges can cause emotional distress and affect their behaviour, academic performance, and mental health. As a practitioner, you play an important role in helping them navigate these situations.

Listening Actively

Active listening builds trust and helps the child or young person feel heard. This involves:

• Giving them your full attention without interruptions.
• Maintaining eye contact at their comfort level.
• Showing empathy through nodding or saying phrases like “I understand” or “That sounds hard.”
• Asking open-ended questions to encourage them to share more, such as “Can you tell me what happened?” or “How did that make you feel?”

Avoid judging or jumping to conclusions. Simply giving them space to share their feelings can provide significant relief.

Creating a Safe Space

Children or young people are more likely to open up about sensitive topics if they feel safe and supported. Provide an environment where they feel free to express themselves without fear of criticism or punishment.

This might include:

• Sitting in a quiet, private area away from others.
• Speaking in a soothing tone and using age-appropriate language.
• Building rapport through small, positive interactions, like asking about their interests or letting them choose a comfortable setting to talk.

Providing Emotional Validation

It’s important to validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. For example, if a child feels upset because they argued with a friend, you might say, “It’s okay to feel sad about this. Friendships can sometimes be tricky.”

Validation helps reassure them that their emotions are normal and acceptable.

Encouraging Self-Expression

Encourage the child or young person to express their emotions in a healthy way. Not everyone feels comfortable verbalising how they feel. Offer alternative outlets, such as:

• Drawing or writing about their emotions.
• Role-playing, which may help younger children act out what they struggle to explain.
• Using tools like emotion cards or feelings thermometers to help them identify and label their emotions.

Help them understand that talking or expressing feelings is nothing to be ashamed of.

Helping Them Understand Relationships

Children and young people might not have the life experience to see relationships objectively. Explain how all relationships go through ups and downs and how conflict can often be resolved. This could include:

• Teaching them about respectful communication.
• Explaining the importance of empathy—trying to see the other person’s perspective.
• Helping them understand healthy versus unhealthy behaviours in relationships.

For instance, you might explain, “A good friend listens to you and cares about your feelings, but it’s normal to have disagreements sometimes.”

Problem-Solving Together

Work with the child or young person to find practical solutions. Guide them through the process rather than giving direct answers. This encourages independence and critical thinking. For example:

1. Ask, “What do you think might make this better?”
2. Brainstorm possible actions, such as apologising if they hurt someone’s feelings.
3. Discuss potential outcomes of their choices.
4. Support them in deciding what they feel is best to do.

This approach ensures they feel involved and empowered to address the issue themselves.

Seeking Consistent Support

Building ongoing support is essential, especially for children experiencing prolonged or more serious distress. Consider strategies such as:

• Introducing a mentor or keyworker for regular check-ins.
• Helping them access peer support groups, like those in schools.
• Involving their wider support network, including family, friends, or other trusted adults.
• Offering or signposting professional counselling if the emotional impact is severe.

Teaching Coping Skills

You can help them build resilience by teaching coping strategies for dealing with the emotions that come with relationship challenges. These could include:

• Deep breathing exercises to manage anxiety or anger.
• Journaling feelings to gain self-awareness.
• Positive self-talk—helping them replace negative thoughts with encouraging ones, e.g., “I’ll be okay even if this feels hard.”

Introduce simple, manageable techniques that suit their age and cognitive ability.

Liaising with Parents or Guardians

If appropriate, involve parents or guardians in the process. Share strategies they can use at home to support their child. Be sensitive in your communication to avoid blaming or escalating tensions. For instance, frame advice positively, saying, “Your child might benefit from extra reassurance during this time.”

Respect confidentiality unless the situation involves safeguarding concerns. Make the child or young person aware in advance if you need to share information.

Recognising When Further Help Is Needed

Sometimes a child or young person’s distress may indicate deeper issues, such as bullying, family breakdown, or mental health challenges. Look out for warning signs like:

• Prolonged sadness or withdrawal from activities they previously enjoyed.
• Significant changes in behaviour, like aggression or trouble concentrating.
• Physical symptoms like sleep problems or recurring stomach aches.

If these are present, it might be time to escalate the concern. Follow your organisation’s safeguarding procedures and access specialist support where needed.

Adapting to Developmental Stages

The approach should be tailored to the child or young person’s developmental stage. Here’s how it can differ:

• For younger children, focus on simple explanations, reassurance, and comfort.
• Adolescents might benefit more from discussions about independence and identity, as their social relationships are often more complex. They may prefer privacy but still need guidance.

Being aware of these differences will help you connect with them in a meaningful way.

Using Resources and Tools

There are many tools and resources you can use to help them navigate relationship difficulties, such as:

• Picture books for younger children that depict friendship challenges in simple terms.
• Videos or workshops for older children, which cover topics like managing conflict or building self-esteem.
• Role-playing games that teach problem-solving in a fun, interactive way.

Find resources that align with the child’s interest—for example, using arts and crafts to explore emotions with a creative child.

Promoting Conflict Resolution Skills

Supporting a child or young person in resolving ongoing difficulties can build lifelong skills. Teach them basic principles, including:

• Listening to the other person’s perspective without interrupting.
• Explaining their feelings calmly and clearly.
• Seeking compromises that work for both sides.
• Knowing when it’s okay to walk away from toxic or hurtful relationships.

For instance, in cases of minor disputes, encourage them to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements—for example, “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always…”

Building Self-Esteem

Distressed children or young people often doubt their self-worth. Promote their confidence by:

• Highlighting their strengths and achievements.
• Giving genuine praise when they handle a challenging situation well.
• Encouraging them to join activities that interest them or where they can meet new friends.

This can help them feel valued and capable, even during difficult times.

Being a Role Model

Children and young people learn a lot from watching adults. Demonstrate kindness, patience, and effective communication in your interactions with them and others. Show them how to handle relationship difficulties with maturity and respect.

For instance, share personal anecdotes carefully and appropriately, like, “I once had a disagreement with a colleague, and we worked it out by talking calmly.”

Final Thoughts

Supporting a child or young person facing relationship difficulties requires understanding, patience, and practical strategies. You play an important role in helping them develop the skills and resilience they need to manage challenges now and in the future. By offering emotional support, teaching coping mechanisms, and involving their wider network, you can make a positive difference to their well-being.