3.3. Explain how to support a child or young person to end relationships that are making them unhappy

This guide will help you answer 3.3. Explain how to support a child or young person to end relationships that are making them unhappy.

Unhealthy relationships can deeply affect a child or young person’s emotional well-being, self-worth, and future relationships. It’s important to support them in understanding how these relationships may be causing harm and help them end these connections. This process needs care, patience, and a sensitive approach to build trust and empower the child or young person to make positive decisions. In this guide, we will look at how to approach and achieve this.

How to Recognise the Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Children and young people may not always realise they are in an unhealthy relationship. It is essential to help them recognise behaviours that create fear, unhappiness, or harm. Signs of an unhealthy relationship may include:

• Feeling pressured to do things they’re uncomfortable with.
• Being constantly criticised or put down.
• Feeling controlled or isolated from friends and family.
• Experiencing threats or intimidation.
• Being belittled, ignored, or excluded.
• Physical harm, such as hitting, pushing, or other forms of abuse.

You might notice changes in their mood, personality, or behaviour. They may become withdrawn, anxious, or lose confidence. A trusting relationship between you and the child or young person is key to helping them open up about their experiences.

Creating a Safe Space for Communication

Supporting a child or young person begins with providing a safe and non-judgemental environment where they feel comfortable sharing their concerns. This space should allow them the freedom to speak honestly without fear of punishment or blame. To foster this openness:

• Use active listening. Pay full attention to what they are saying without interruptions.
• Respond with empathy. Phrases like “That sounds really hard” or “I’m sorry you feel like this” build trust.
• Keep your body language open, calm, and supportive. Avoid appearing defensive or impatient.
• Respect their boundaries, so they don’t feel pressured to disclose more than they are ready to share.

It’s important not to criticise the relationship or the people involved too strongly. Negative comments may cause the child to feel defensive, ashamed, or reluctant to talk further.

Explaining Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

Children and young people often lack the experience to fully understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Use examples and plain language to explain the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviours. Healthy relationships, for example:

• Respect personal boundaries.
• Allow both individuals to express themselves freely.
• Support and encourage happiness without control.

Contrast this with unhealthy behaviours, like name-calling, coercion, or excessive possessiveness. Be clear but sensitive, helping them reflect on their own experiences.

Gently exploring positive examples from their lives can help them identify relationships that make them feel valued and supported. This comparison offers a frame of reference to understand how their current relationship may be different.

Building Self-Esteem and Confidence

Unhealthy relationships often damage self-esteem and leave young people feeling powerless. Rebuilding their confidence is an essential step in helping them end the relationship. Focus on:

• Highlighting their strengths and achievements.
• Encouraging their hobbies and interests.
• Providing reassurance that they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

Listening to their feelings without judgement can also help them feel valued and supported. Remember, a child or young person with confidence is more likely to stand up for themselves and make decisions that protect their well-being.

Helping Them Plan the Break-Up

It can be daunting for a young person to end an unhappy relationship. Helping them create a plan makes this feel more manageable and safer. Steps to include are:

Choosing the right time and place
Encourage them to speak somewhere private, where they feel safe, or consider breaking contact online if face-to-face interaction feels overwhelming or risky.

Finding the right words
Practise some straightforward, calm phrases they can use. For example:

• “I don’t feel happy in this relationship and think it’s best we stop seeing each other.”
• “I need space to focus on myself, so I am ending this relationship.” Keep it simple and avoid giving detailed explanations that can lead to arguments or manipulation.

Reducing contact
Help them understand that reducing or cutting contact after the break-up can prevent confusion. This includes blocking them on social media or not responding to texts.

Safety considerations
If the relationship involves controlling or aggressive behaviours, safety is vital. Work with the child or young person to plan how they’ll stay safe. Include talking to a trusted adult, monitoring who knows where they are, and avoiding risky confrontations.

Providing Emotional Support Afterwards

Breaking up with someone, even in an unhealthy relationship, can bring mixed emotions, including sadness, guilt, or fear of loneliness. Continuing emotional support is essential to help them process these feelings. Offer reassurance that their feelings are valid and normal. Help them explore constructive ways to process their emotions, such as journaling, talking to trusted friends, or engaging in activities they enjoy.

Sometimes, they may feel tempted to reconnect with the person or doubt their decision. Gently remind them of why they chose to end the relationship and how it was benefiting their mental and emotional well-being.

Encouraging Positive Relationships

Encouraging connections with family, friends, or peers who offer genuine positivity and respect can reinforce what healthy relationships look like. This supportive network can help them realise they are not alone and that there are relationships where they can feel valued and cared for.

Exploring activities that build social skills and create opportunities to meet positive role models can also benefit them. For example, joining a youth club, sport, or creative group encourages meaningful and uplifting connections.

Involving External Support

Sometimes, professional input is needed to help a young person fully escape an unhealthy relationship. You might involve external agencies, such as counsellors, helplines, or domestic abuse charities, particularly if the relationship involves abuse or significant harm. Some useful options in the UK include:

• NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) – They provide free advice and counselling to children concerned about abuse or difficult relationships.
• Childline – A free service offering confidential support over the phone and online.
• Local safeguarding teams – If abuse is suspected, they must be contacted to ensure the child’s safety.

Keep the young person informed about any referrals being made and involve them in decisions. This can help maintain their trust in you.

Confidentiality and Safeguarding

It’s important to let the child or young person know that you will respect their privacy, but there may be situations where you need to break confidentiality for their safety—for example, if they disclose abuse or are at risk of harm. Be honest about this from the beginning so they understand what to expect.

Follow your organisation’s safeguarding policy if there are serious concerns about their safety. Always act promptly to protect the child or young person.

Empowering their Choices

Helping the child or young person understand they have control over their decisions is key. It fosters a sense of empowerment. Remind them that they are not responsible for the other person’s actions or happiness. This can help lift feelings of guilt or obligation.

Support them in setting boundaries in future relationships. Teach them it is okay to say “no,” and that their emotional well-being is not something to compromise.

Final Thoughts

Supporting a child or young person to end a relationship that makes them unhappy requires patience, trust, and practical guidance. They may need time to process and take action, so remain consistent in your support. Encouraging them to prioritise their happiness and safety lays a foundation for future healthy relationships.