1.6 Explain and demonstrate how to enable parents to understand their children’s feelings and behaviour

This guide will help you answer 1.6 Explain and demonstrate how to enable parents to understand their children’s feelings and behaviour.

Supporting parents to understand their children’s emotions and behaviour is an important skill for anyone working in the children and young people’s workforce. The aim is to give parents practical tools and insight that they can use every day. This helps strengthen relationships and supports children’s emotional wellbeing.

Children’s behaviour often comes from emotions they cannot express in words. When parents learn how to recognise the underlying feelings, they can respond in a way that helps rather than escalates situations. This creates a calmer home environment and promotes healthy social and emotional development.

Observing and Listening to the Child

One of the most effective ways to help parents understand their child’s feelings is to encourage careful observation. Many behaviours carry messages about what a child is experiencing internally. Workers can model how to watch for signs and listen actively.

Signs to look for can include:

• Changes in tone of voice
• Different facial expressions
• Body language, such as being withdrawn or restless
• Sudden changes in appetite or sleep
• Avoiding certain people or situations

Parents often focus on the behaviour itself without linking it to a feeling. By noticing these patterns, they can begin to connect behaviours to emotions such as frustration, excitement, anxiety or sadness.

When modelling observation, use real examples in a safe and non-judgemental way. You might describe a time when the child looked away, became quiet and crossed their arms during a group activity. Discuss what emotions might explain this behaviour and what questions the parent could ask to check.

Explaining Behaviour as Communication

Children often behave in ways that express needs they cannot say aloud. Helping parents understand that “all behaviour is communication” changes how they respond. Instead of punishing unwanted behaviour straight away, they can look for the cause.

Examples of behaviour as communication:

• A child hitting another child may be expressing anger from feeling left out
• A child refusing to join an activity may feel anxious or unsure about the rules
• A child crying at drop-off may be fearful of separation

In each case, the behaviour shows something important about the child’s feelings or needs. Once parents identify the feeling, they can address it with support, reassurance, or adjusting the environment.

Using Simple Language to Explain Feelings

Young children need clear language to label emotions. Workers can teach parents how to use short sentences that name feelings during everyday interactions.

For example:

• “I see you are feeling sad because your toy broke”
• “You seem excited about seeing your friend”
• “You look angry that the game has finished”

Naming feelings helps children build emotional vocabulary. It also shows that feelings are normal and recognised by trusted adults. Parents can be taught this technique through role-play, observation and feedback.

Demonstrating Emotional Coaching

Emotional coaching is guiding a child through strong feelings and helping them learn coping skills. This is often best shown through demonstration rather than only describing it.

Steps in emotional coaching include:

1. Recognise the feeling – notice signs such as tears or facial changes
2. Label the feeling – put the emotion into words so the child hears it named
3. Empathise – show understanding by acknowledging that the feeling is valid
4. Guide problem solving – once calm, work with the child to find actions they can take

In practice, a worker might model this by helping a child who is frustrated with a puzzle. They might say, “I can see you’re frustrated. Puzzles can be tricky. Let’s take a deep breath and try one piece at a time.” Parents watching this see how to blend empathy and guidance.

Exploring Triggers and Patterns

Explaining triggers means helping parents spot events or circumstances that lead to certain behaviours. This requires looking back at incidents and identifying what happened just before.

Possible triggers include:

• Hunger or tiredness
• Overstimulating environments with loud noise or crowds
• Transitions between activities
• Changes in routine
• Conflict with peers or siblings

A simple tool is a behaviour log. Parents can note the date, time, environment, what happened before the behaviour, and how the child reacted. Reviewing this log together can highlight recurring triggers.

By linking triggers to feelings, parents can make changes to the environment or daily routine to reduce stress for the child.

Encouraging Positive Behaviour Through Understanding

When parents understand what drives behaviour, they can take proactive steps to encourage positive actions. This means setting realistic expectations and creating conditions where the child feels secure.

Strategies include:

• Offering choices to give a sense of control
• Using praise for effort rather than outcome
• Allowing enough time for transitions
• Establishing routines to give predictability
• Providing quiet spaces where the child can calm down

Explaining these approaches linked to feelings helps parents see the benefit. For instance, offering choices can reduce defiance because it addresses the child’s need for autonomy.

Building Empathy in Parents

Empathy is the ability to see a situation from the child’s perspective. Some parents may need guidance to develop this skill, especially if they were not shown empathy in their own upbringing.

Ways to build empathy:

• Ask parents to remember times they felt scared, angry or overwhelmed, then compare with similar situations for their child
• Suggest short reflective pauses before reacting to behaviour
• Encourage open questions like “What happened today that made you feel this way?”

Through repeated practice, parents begin to see their child’s actions as expressions of complex emotions rather than simple disobedience.

Explaining Developmental Stages

Children’s behaviour is influenced by their stage of development. Parents often expect more emotional control than is realistic for a given age. Workers can explain typical abilities at different stages so parents set fair expectations.

Examples:

• Toddlers may show frustration through tantrums, with limited ability to self-regulate
• Preschool children can start using words for emotions but may still act out under stress
• School-age children can understand rules and consequences but may need reminders to manage disappointment

When parents see behaviour as normal for a stage, they can respond with guidance rather than excessive discipline.

Using Visual Aids

Some parents understand better when shown visual materials. Workers can use charts of facial expressions, emotion wheels, or pictures showing different scenarios.

Visual aids help parents:

• Recognise emotions quickly
• Match behaviours with likely feelings
• Teach their child to identify and communicate emotions

These materials can be given to parents to use at home, especially with younger children.

Sharing Positive Examples

Parents may learn faster from practical examples than from theory. Workers can share stories of other families (protecting confidentiality) that show how recognising feelings improved behaviour.

For instance, a parent may learn how another family reduced bedtime resistance by identifying that the child felt anxious about sleeping alone. By introducing a calming bedtime routine, the behaviour improved.

Involving Parents in Role-Play

Role-play allows parents to practise responding to different emotions and behaviours. They can act out scenarios with the worker playing the child’s role. This provides a safe space to try new responses and receive feedback.

Through role-play, parents can:

• Practise calm body language
• Test different ways of asking about feelings
• Experience the impact of tone of voice

This makes it easier to use these skills at home when emotions run high.

Offering Resources for Home Use

After learning techniques, parents benefit from having written or visual reminders. This might be:

• Simple charts showing steps for emotional coaching
• Lists of calming activities such as drawing, breathing exercises, reading
• Books for children about feelings
• Guidance leaflets with age-appropriate expectations

Giving these resources alongside discussion supports parents to keep practising.

Modelling Self-Regulation

Children learn emotional control from observing adults. Parents who manage their own behaviour under stress are showing children how to respond. Workers can discuss ways for parents to regulate themselves before reacting.

Suggestions include:

• Taking deep breaths before speaking
• Counting to ten quietly
• Walking away briefly to calm down
• Talking to another adult before addressing the behaviour

By modelling self-control, parents create a calmer environment which helps children mirror the behaviour.

Building Confidence in Parents

Confidence grows when parents feel supported and see progress. Workers should recognise improvements and encourage parents to notice small successes. This motivates them to keep using the techniques.

Ways to build confidence:

• Give positive feedback on efforts
• Celebrate moments when the child uses words instead of acting out
• Remind parents of the progress from earlier weeks

Confidence helps parents remain consistent in their responses.

Final Thoughts

Helping parents understand their children’s feelings and behaviour is an ongoing process that needs patience, repetition and encouragement. Demonstrating techniques, offering practical tools and explaining the link between emotions and actions creates lasting change.

When parents learn to see behaviour as a form of communication, they can respond in ways that support rather than harm emotional growth. This builds stronger relationships, reduces conflict and supports the child’s social, emotional and mental development. It also creates a home environment where feelings are valued, spoken about and managed in healthy ways.