What is Therapeutic Parenting?

Therapeutic parenting is a style of parenting designed to support children who have experienced trauma, neglect, or early adversity. It focuses on creating a safe, nurturing environment that helps children feel secure. This approach also helps children develop healthy relationships and regulate their emotions.

It is most commonly used by foster carers and adoptive parents. However, it can also help any parent or carer looking after a child with complex emotional or behavioural needs. Therapeutic parenting requires patience, consistency, and empathy. It is about understanding a child’s individual needs and responding in a way that fosters trust and healing.

This type of parenting acknowledges that some children’s experiences have shaped their behaviour in ways that differ from their peers. It provides tools and techniques to guide children as they process past experiences and begin to heal.

Trauma in Children

Children who need therapeutic parenting often have a history of trauma. Trauma can occur when a child experiences something that feels deeply upsetting, scary, or overwhelming. For example, this might include abuse, neglect, or the sudden loss of a caregiver.

Trauma can disrupt a child’s ability to trust others. It can also affect how they form relationships and respond to daily situations. A child with unresolved trauma may:

• Struggle to regulate emotions
• Find it hard to control behaviour
• Have difficulty forming healthy attachments
• Be easily triggered by certain words, sounds, or situations

Therapeutic parenting works to help children process these feelings and repair the effects of trauma.

Core Principles of Therapeutic Parenting

Therapeutic parenting is based on certain core principles. These include:

1. Empathy – Parents focus on understanding their child’s feelings and perspectives. Instead of punishing challenging behaviours, they look at the reasons behind those behaviours.
2. Consistency – Consistent responses help build trust. A child learns that their parent will respond in a predictable way, which makes the child feel safer.
3. Connection Before Correction – Therapeutic parenting prioritises building a connection with the child. By making a child feel seen, valued, and loved, parents can help them feel secure enough to learn and grow.
4. Structure and Nurture – This approach balances clear boundaries with a nurturing attitude. While structure provides safety, nurture delivers warmth and reassurance.
5. Emotion Coaching – Helping children understand and name their emotions is key. Parents guide children in recognising and handling feelings such as anger, sadness, or fear.

Differences Between Traditional and Therapeutic Parenting

Therapeutic parenting differs significantly from traditional parenting techniques. Traditional parenting often assumes that all children respond well to clear rules and consequences. While this may work for some children, it can backfire for those with trauma.

For example:

• Consequences: In traditional parenting, consequences for misbehaviour often involve timeouts or removal of privileges. These might feel punitive or worsen feelings of abandonment for a traumatised child. Therapeutic parenting looks at addressing the root cause of the behaviour instead.
• Attachment: Therapeutic parenting places far more focus on attachment and building emotional safety. This is often missing in traditional approaches.
• Control: Children with trauma often need more opportunities to feel in control, as past experiences may have left them with little sense of this. Therapeutic parenting incorporates choices and autonomy to help the child regain a sense of balance.

Children’s Attachment Styles

Attachment refers to the bond a child forms with their caregiver. The type of attachment a child develops can affect how they interact with others later in life. Therapeutic parenting addresses attachment issues directly.

Here are some attachment styles:

• Secure Attachment: This happens when a child feels safe and valued. They trust their caregiver to meet their needs.
• Avoidant Attachment: A child with this style might push others away or hide their feelings.
• Ambivalent Attachment: These children might cling to a caregiver but still struggle to feel secure.
• Disorganised Attachment: A child might show contradictory behaviours. For instance, they may both seek comfort and reject it at the same time.

Therapeutic parenting aims to help children with insecure attachments move toward feeling more secure.

Building Trust and Safety

Building trust is one of the main objectives of therapeutic parenting. Many children with traumatic histories feel unsafe or unworthy of care. They might not believe that adults can be trusted to meet their needs.

Parents build trust by:

• Responding calmly even during difficult moments.
• Keeping promises and being reliable.
• Offering reassurance that they will always care for the child, no matter what happens.

Over time, these actions allow a child to feel safe in their environment.

Managing Challenging Behaviour

Children who would benefit from therapeutic parenting often display challenging behaviours. These might include outbursts, defiance, or withdrawal. These behaviours are not random but often signal the child is overwhelmed, scared, or uncertain.

Some tips for managing these behaviours include:

• Stay Calm: A calm response helps to de-escalate situations.
• Offer Choices: Giving simple choices helps a child feel empowered.
• Use Visual Aids: Charts and schedules can help children know what to expect.
• Reinforce Positive Behaviour: Praise or reward progress to encourage the child.

Instead of focusing on what went wrong, parents work to help the child feel understood and supported.

Emotion Regulation

Children with trauma often have difficulty managing big emotions. They might lash out or shut down when they experience frustration, fear, or sadness. Therapeutic parenting focuses on helping children identify and cope with their feelings.

Some strategies include:

• Talking About Feelings: Help children name emotions like “angry” or “worried”.
• Model Healthy Responses: Show the child that it is normal to feel upset but demonstrate appropriate ways to handle those feelings.
• Provide Comfort: Offer hugs, soothing words, or time together when the child is overwhelmed.

Over time, these steps help children feel more in control of their emotions.

The Role of PACE

PACE stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy. It is a central approach within therapeutic parenting, helping parents maintain a positive connection with their child.

• Playfulness: Brings light-heartedness into interactions, reducing tension.
• Acceptance: Shows children they are loved for who they are, not their behaviour.
• Curiosity: Helps parents explore what is causing behaviour without judgement.
• Empathy: Creates a deeper emotional bond by seeing things from the child’s view.

By following PACE, parents can reduce conflict and strengthen their relationship with the child.

Self-Care for Parents

Therapeutic parenting can be emotionally demanding. It is essential for parents to look after their own well-being too. Support networks, therapy, or training programmes can be particularly helpful.

Parents could consider:

• Joining a support group
• Taking breaks when possible
• Focusing on their accomplishments, however small they may seem
• Seeking professional guidance, if needed

When parents feel supported and recharged, they are better able to care for their child.

Therapeutic Parenting and Professional Support

Professional support is often vital for therapeutic parenting. This might involve therapy for the child, training for the parent, or input from social workers or other professionals. These experts can provide tools, advice, and a deeper understanding of the child’s needs.

Examples of professional support include:

• Attachment-focused therapy
• Workshops on parenting techniques
• Regular guidance from a social worker

Therapeutic parenting often works best as part of a team effort.

Final Thoughts

Therapeutic parenting is not a quick fix. Healing from trauma is a gradual process. The aim is to help children feel safe, valued, and more in control of their emotions over time.

The impact of therapeutic parenting can be life-changing. A child who feels supported and connected can develop stronger relationships, improved mental health, and greater confidence.

Parents who adopt this approach often say it strengthens their understanding, patience, and connection with their child. It takes dedication, but the rewards can be profound.